Imagine this scenario:
Your boyfriend says he has a surprise for you and places a rather hefty gift box in your hands. You’re astonished, excited…and maybe just a little wary. After all, it’s not your birthday or Valentine’s day, and your boyfriend isn’t the kind of guy who normally shows up bearing bling in pretty paper. The fact that he’s wearing an oddly crooked grin while he watches you tear away the gift-wrapping doesn’t inspire confidence either.
Inside the box you find…a thing. A gadget. You’re not really sure what it does, but you can see that it’s meant to be used in the bedroom. Oh, look…a slot for the insertion of batteries! At least you know what that means.
“Wow…this is…this is great!” you stutter, choking on the words you really want to say. Why? Why did you get this for me? What does it mean?
Does that little story ring true? If you’re like most women who find themselves in this situation, you would probably spend more time trying to figure out the message behind the gift than playing with the toy itself. And therein lies the trouble with such glaringly significant “surprises.” While there are plenty of good reasons a man might buy his partner a sex toy out of the blue, few men are likely to reveal their particular motive. Whatever the gift’s actual purpose may be, most men think it’s enough to murmur something like, “I thought you’d like this.”
In the interests of aiding clearer communication between the sexes (and increasing the hours spent playing rather than ruminating), I’ve compiled an exhaustive list of the reasons a man might buy an “instrument of pleasure” for his lady-love.
If you’ve been a gift recipient, you can give this list to your man and ask him to check off the statements that apply. Then you’ll probably want to discuss his choices – sensitively. If you’re a gift giver, you can use the list to help you tune in to your own real motives – then try telling your partner whatever you were hoping the object would say for you. Whether your girlfriend loves or hates your reasons, she will love you for sparing her the frustration of trying to read your mind. Plus, you’ll know that she received your message accurately – or at least didn’t leap to the wrong conclusions.
Whether you’re a gift-giver or recipient, try using this list as a conversation-starter. No doubt it will provoke plenty of animated and revealing discussions!
Why a Man Might Buy His Girlfriend a Sex Toy
In general, to encourage:
- More sex
- More open conversation about sex
- More adventurous sex
To encourage experimentation, and/or to introduction her to his specific desires or fantasies. For instance:
- He wants to watch her use the toy
- He wants to use it with her, or wants her to use it on him
- He wants her to masturbate more
- And, he wants her to think of him while she masturbates
- The toy is waterproof – he wants to encourage sex in the shower
- It’s a tiny vibrator – he wants her to use it during intercourse
- It’s an anal toy – he wants to open the backdoor (hers or his)
- It’s a bondage toy – he wants to introduce her to his BDSM fantasies
As a relationship statement:
- It’s an expensive luxury item that she wouldn’t buy for herself. His gift is a way of saying, “I expect to be around for awhile to make use of this investment. “
- Her ex bought her last toy. He’s saying, “I want your ex’s leftovers out of our bed. You’re mine now!”
- She’s never had a sex toy, and he wants to treat her to something special.
- She’s never had a sex toy and she isn’t sure she wants one. He’s saying, “I’m in control now.”
To keep from feeling guilty because he isn’t available; for example, when:
- He has to take a long trip
- He’s working too much or working at night
- His sex drive has taken a dive
- He’s having a herpes outbreak
- He’s dating others
To get her turned on when:
- He doesn’t want to wait for her to get in the mood for sex
- He doesn’t want to put a lot of hands-on effort into making her climax
- She is having difficulty climaxing (despite his skillful efforts) and he hopes a powerful “assistant” will push her over the edge