What If He’s Too Big Or Does Size Matter?

Just as men’s locomotives come in varying lengths and girths, so do women’s tunnels. That’s why the classic question – does size matter? – almost misses the point. The true issue is “fit” – fit between you and your partner. And for some women, bigger isn’t always better. Sometimes, bigger is just a pain.

So what do you do if you’re a couple comprised of a big man and a woman who can’t handle the extra helping he offers. If you want to enjoy playtime together, you need to work around the issue. Much as he might wish, he can’t plunge into his partner with savage abandon, because only two magic words will open her vault of pleasure: slippery and slow.

To get slippery, be sure that you’ve spent at least 20 minutes getting aroused in all the ways that work for you. Include manual and oral stimulation, with emphasis on the woman’s clitoris and labia. Wait until the woman feels ready for penetration – and that actually means crazy for penetration, not just ready to tolerate an attempt at intercourse. If you don’t know how to get to that place with your partner, then your sexual education as a couple needs to begin with the basics of “outercourse.”

Once you’re primed and raring to go, use water or silicone-based lubricants such as Eve or KY, and plenty of it. Put a generous dab of it on both of you. But, before he begins to actually penetrate, he should spend some time cozying up to the home he’s about to enter. The vaginal lips and the opening to the vagina are quite sensitive, so he’ll get a more enthusiastic welcome inside if he spends time nuzzling that area with his penis…maybe entering a fraction and then pulling away, or stroking her vulva with the head of his penis.

Once he begins deeper penetration his mantra should be “slow as molasses.”Now, if you’re a woman with a man whose definition of slow leaves yours in the dust, you can quantify this for him. Men do love numbers, so telling him you want, say, another quarter inch every 10 seconds is actually a lot more helpful to him than just saying slow down. That’s going to mean something different to him than to you.

Once he’s inside you, always ask him to pause when you feel even the slightest discomfort, then breathe deeply and consciously relax your pelvic muscles. If it’s his girth that you’re having trouble with, relaxation is key. Tensing up will make his entry impossible. So will dryness – so keep adding more lube – but that doesn’t give you a pass on foreplay. It’s foreplay AND lube – not just lube. If the size problem is length – if you’re fine on entry but during thrusting, he hits your cervix and you feel a deep internal pain – you can change to positions that don’t allow such deep penetration. Missionary is one, and spooning is another. Actually, spooning, where your back is to him and his arms are wrapped around you, is a great position for partners of men who have a bit of extra length because part of that length is needed just to reach the vaginal entrance. He won’t have to hold back when he thrusts, which is nice, because he’s only partially penetrating you. Your bodies provide a natural limit to how far he can reach.

You might also try sitting astride him so that you control the depth and intensity of penetration while he stimulates your clitoris. Also, try the missionary position with a pillow under you, your hips slanted upward. This angle will help naturally relax your pelvic muscles. If you find yourself tensing up no matter what position you try – and that hurts – forget intercourse altogether for a while and experiment with various-sized toys or his fingers…first one, then two, then three – until you’re panting to give intercourse another go.

If two people are not a natural fit, it’s understandable that intercourse isn’t going to be a slam-dunk – but there are thousands of ways to please each other that don’t require penis-vagina toggling. And the more excitement those games create the easier penetration will eventually be.