All About the G Spot (Women and Orgasm Part 3)

The serious study of human sexuality is a fairly recent development in history. The study of female sexuality is even more recent. In your lifetime recent! Until only about 30 years ago male sexuality was the gold standard for the study of human sexuality. And it was only 20 years ago that the true anatomy of the clitoris was “discovered” and diagrammed in the now-classic book, “A New View of a Woman’s Body.” Before that, there were areas in female anatomical drawings that were simply left blank as if nothing existed in those places but avoid. Even with that, it’s still not popular knowledge that the clitoris is more than an organ that looks like this. It is actually an organ that looks like this. However, it IS accepted knowledge that the clitoris – with 8000 nerve ending in the glans, and large erectile bodies that spread like beautiful wings below the labia – is the primary organ of female pleasure. Or….is it?

Something interesting is happening in the realm of female sexuality research, both of the academic and grassroots variety. The supremacy of the clitoris and clitoral orgasm is being called into question, and a new movement is encouraging women to develop the capacity for orgasm and ejaculation through the spongy tissue surrounding the urethra – the female prostate. This area has been variously called the urethral sponge, the paraurethral glands, Skene’s glands, and urethral glands, but whatever the term used, we are still talking about the same area, now most commonly known as the g spot. The g spot is, in fact, the “female prostate.” In their hugely popular book called “The G Spot,” Whipple, Perry and Ladas named this area the Grafenberg spot after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, who in the 1940’s and 50’s published work indicating that this was a site of pleasure for women.

The female prostate can most easily be felt just inside the vaginal opening, behind the front wall. In some women it is located only an inch or so inside. In others, it is 2 or even 3 inches inside. When you’re sexually aroused and push out with your pelvic muscles, your PC muscles, and you look at yourself in a mirror, you might even be able to see the g spot as a full, soft body of tissue that peeks through the vaginal opening, especially if your prostate or your g spot is only an inch or an inch and half inside the vagina. And you’re most likely to actually see it externally by pushing out with your PC muscles.

The g spot or prostate has been the source of enormous controversy. Initially, many sex therapists and researchers refused to believe that it existed at all. Some said that since the clitoris has turned out to be so much bigger than we had known, the so-called g spot was probably just the internal end of the clitoral legs. While it’s true that the clitoris and female prostate are neighbors and in a state of high arousal, with both engorged they do affect one another, it is still now generally agreed that they are two distinct organs.

Some women seem not to have any g spot – that is, they don’t have any sensitivity there at all. Others have it from the day they become aware of sexual sensation, and others develop sensitivity later in life or find they can train themselves to have g spot responses. I’ve known women who didn’t seem to have a g spot at all in their 20’s – that is, they didn’t react to stimulation of the area – and then in their 40’s the spot miraculously seemed to come alive, like some kind of cosmic crackerjack prize awarded for having reached a certain age. Even in the days when sexologists were claiming that a vaginal orgasm didn’t exist at all, many women were insisting that they had orgasms that emanated from within the vagina. Those vaginal orgasms seemed to become about in two ways – one was with g spot stimulation, and the other was with deep intravaginal penetration. And of course, women were told that that was impossible – you couldn’t have an orgasm that way, because there were no nerves deep inside the vagina. Yet women repeatedly asserted that these orgasms were real, and many described them as entirely different from clitoral orgasms, more diffuse, more emotional. The question is, of course, were these women crazy? Were they just feeling referred sensation from indirect tugging at the clitoral body?

The controversy and confusion raged over what women’s orgasms are really made up of – and that controversy continues even now, but not in quite the same way. Most experts do finally accept that the g spot does indeed exist, the female prostate does exist, orgasms do emanate from that place, and the g spot is not really in the vagina, but is a zone behind the vaginal wall that is best accessed through the vagina. We still don’t know enough about those deep uterine orgasms, because they haven’t really been studied very much, but what we do know that there are indications that they are fed by the pelvic nerve, which is a different nerve than the pudendal nerve that connects to the clitoris, and pelvic nerve impulses also appear to be associated with different areas of activation in the brain. This may account for the subjectively different experience of orgasm that women report. The pelvic nerve is also the nerve that feeds the urethral tissues. It feeds the prostate, the bladder, the perineum and is associated with g spot orgasms. One reason that g spot activists are so insistent upon asserting the pleasure-power of the g spot and all of these areas is that during female genital surgery – from the most common, like episiotomy, to hysterectomy or surgeries for bladder problems – the pelvic nerves are severed without a thought to the effect on women’s sexual response. And we all know the uproar that would ensue if surgeries were performed that severed nerve supply to the penis.

The existing debate centers not on whether the g spot is a pleasure zone, but on whether the prostate and urethral tissues are even more the seat of sexual pleasure for women than the clitoris. Some activists and researchers are convinced that the prostate is the undiscovered gateway to deepest female ecstasy. Stimulation of the prostate brings about an ejaculation of fluid, and many believe that releasing this fluid is vital to women’s overall health and well-being. One activist filmmaker who has also done her homework on the physiology of the g spot is Deborah Sundahl, author of “Female Ejaculation and the G Spot,” which I do recommend if you want to know more from the activist point of view. Others reject the idea that ejaculation has health benefits, since that hasn’t been proven – but will say, hey, whatever feels good, go for it. One thing is for sure – we all want women to feel empowered around their sexuality, to know their body intimately, and to bring their partners into the discovery process too. With that in mind, let’s talk about how you can explore your g spot, and what might happen when you do.

G spot exploration can be done alone or with a partner. I personally think it’s important to do it alone, at least at first, so that it becomes as familiar to you as any other form of self-pleasure. But there’s no doubt that it’s more easily done with a partner, partly because the area doesn’t come to life until a woman is in a heightened state of arousal. That’s what creates vasocongestion, the drawing of blood and moisture to the area, and makes the g spot prominent. When you’re hot and swollen, the g spot can be felt as a most distinct area from the surrounding tissues, almost as though a sack of tiny marbles was hidden behind your vaginal wall. If you’re trying to locate it yourself, begin the search when you are already highly aroused; don’t go into it cold. That would mean masturbate until you’re very hot, in whatever way you normally do. Then find a new position that allows you to put your middle and index finger into your vagina with enough room to be able to move around. Some options might be on your knees with your seat resting on your calves, or squatting, or even getting on all fours with one hand free to explore. You might also want to first pick up a g spot stimulator, which is a toy-like wand with a special curve that allows you to reach and place pressure on all the nooks and crannies inside your vagina, including, of course, your g spot.

Whether you’re exploring by yourself or with a partner, it’s really important to begin slowly. Give your g spot time to wake up, to open her eyes. Stroking with two or 3 fingers in that “come here” posture is a good way to begin. Try alternating direct pressure on the g spot with movement around the vaginal walls from side to side, or jiggling up and down with fingers curved, or in slow circles pressing at clock points around the vagina. There’s no need to limit your fingers to anything like the in and out that replicates intercourse. You also want to use lots of lubricant if you need it, and even tight latex gloves, which can actually feel really good, because they’re smooth. The sensation elicited at various pleasure points can be very different, too. Once aroused, the g spot can handle a lot of pressure. Occasionally you might feel what seems like an intense burning, which can be either oddly exciting or uncomfortable – or both, shifting from moment to moment. You might even feel a strong urge to pee. This is normal and may indicate that you are ready to ejaculate. If you begin to push out with your PC muscles, that’s actually what might happen. Or, with continued stimulation, you might gush liquid without even trying. A lot of women worry that the liquid that spills out of their vagina is urine. It is not the urine, so don’t try to clamp down and stop the flow, just push through. Still, some women don’t quite believe that all that fluid coming out of their bodies can be anything but urine. So if worry is getting in your way, then you might want to get up and visit the bathroom and empty your bladder, especially if you didn’t do it before you began playing, and then continue, knowing that the insistent pressure you feel is not coming from a desire to urinate. If you have that burning sensation again, you’ll feel more secure avoiding the urge to clamp down with your pelvic floor muscles to inhibit the fluid release.

By diving into this pleasure you are quite likely to have an orgasm, and many women report that “g-gasms” can elicit unexpected emotional flooding, so be prepared to ride the tidal wave of both the physical ecstasy and the sometimes startling emotional aftermath. Remember that our bodies are the repositories of our memories, our fears, and our dreams. No part of your body holds more delicate feelings than your sexual zones. With g spot pressure you might cry, even sob, especially if you have a g spot orgasm. In the course of g spot play you might also feel intensely vulnerable, so if you’re experimenting for the first time with a new partner, be sure you choose someone with whom you feel safe enough to be open and to take those kinds of emotional risks, no matter what happens.

Now let’s get back to this matter of ejaculation. Is ejaculation the same as orgasm? No, it’s not. Ejaculation is the release of a buildup of liquid. Orgasm is the release of a buildup of sensation and tension. Think of ejaculation as a physical event – one you might not even feel until after it has happened. Think of orgasm as a sensory event that changes as your degree of arousal does – so you feel something akin to climbing to a point of great intensity, and then a feeling of exploding in waves of sensation or pleasure. Women may ejaculate upon orgasm, preceding orgasm, or at any time in response to arousal if the right kind of stimulation is applied to the urethral zone, including the prostate. Many women enjoy combined g spot and clitoral sex play and say that their strongest orgasms occur when both areas receive attention at the same time. But clitoral play alone, especially if it includes petting of the area around the urethra, can also lead to ejaculation.

Researchers seeking to unlock the mystery of female ejaculation have found that the fluid is released in two ways. Stimulation of the female prostate produces an odorless, slightly milky fluid – generally in the range of a teaspoon or so. The amount can still depend on the size of a woman’s prostate. Prostates come in different sizes, so a larger prostate could cause the release of more fluid, and a smaller one, less fluid. Other studies have shown that women who gush copious amounts of fluid are emitting liquid from the bladder too. However, this is also generally odorless and colorless, having more the consistency of water, but it doesn’t contain the same chemical composition as urine. Researchers are exploring the idea that a hormone secreted during sexual arousal somehow de-urinizes the liquid expelled from the bladder. You might ejaculate secretions that originate in the prostate or in the bladder or both simultaneously because all of it mingles and rushes out through the urethra.

While many women want to learn to ejaculate I think it’s most important not to make ejaculation or prostate orgasms a new kind of erotic holy grail. We don’t need more pressure to live up to any kind of ideal. Ejaculation doesn’t make for a better orgasm, and it isn’t a sign of greater sexual proficiency – it’s simply part of what some women’s bodies do in celebration of the erotic. By far more important is trying to avoid not ejaculating, for fear that you will expel too much liquid, upset your partner or embarrass yourself.

As further research is done, we’ll learn more about the ways, the whys, and the hows of our bodies’ ejaculatory pleasure potential. The crucial point to remember, though, is that women are capable of excitement and arousal levels previously unknown to researchers like Masters and Johnson. Sexology is still in its infancy and the truth about women’s sexuality has been coming to light only slowly as the centuries-old curtain of silence and shame is lifted. So much more work needs to be done. But women need to make their voices heard and demand that science explains our actual experiences – rather than let the limitations of a relatively new science draw the boundaries of the experiences we allow ourselves to have.

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